Penguin Co. adopts PengMater Works Platform

PengMater (hereafter refered to as Mrs P) has studied Gorenge’s 21st century technology solution and wishes the following to be known.

1) Increased productivity and efficiency in all household matters will be achieved by interfacing with senior household management; ie Mrs P.

2) Stock control will be maintained through experienced past programming, plus notification of run out’s and stock shortages. This implies that the fridge is empty and we’re out of loo paper. Most stock-outs could be avoided by re-programming teenager.

3) Re-programming teenager impossible, deletion in near future unlikely. Add fiddle factor (teenagers teenage girlfriend), standard programme parameters unlikely to be maintained without manual over-ride.

4) In absence of system support through teenage communication systems, junior interfaces will be used. 2 x 8 year olds undertake minor operational functions, to wit, laundry functions of both wet and dry variety and loading dishwasher. For reasons as yet undefined, this causes great merriment amongst junior staff.

5) All mechanical system failures to be rectified instantly by PengPater upon pain of withdrawal of priviledges, inc pub; and regardless of how many hours external income provider has worked a) per day b) per week.

6) Discipline in all system management will be maintained, normally by a clip around the ear. Failing this, the system manager may well become “offline” and respond only to Chocolates, Flowers or Bailleys. Rebooting does not involve boots.

Enough. If you want your household to work – leave it to the Mrs………….

Penguin.