Language Class. How to speak customerish

[neilsukwg]

A selection of translations from my dealings with customers.

1. Hi mate, how yer doin. do you remember me from school?
Means – Lets see if we can get away without payin for this one..

2. You only fixed it a few months ago.
Means – 18 months ago

3. So what exactly does my machine need?
means – I will be down local spares shop getting parts and doin it myself quicker than you can blink if you will just tell me

4. Its not doing anything
means – Its working normally, apart from no drum action, needs a pair of brushes

5. Can you call back later for the money?
Means – Go to next job now where you might get paid

6. Do you have a girlfriend/wife?
means – (Refer to No. 1)

7. Is there any way you could fix it so it sets fire to my curtains so I can get an insurance claim in?
Means – You are dealing with a fraudster. Don’t accept a cheque of this man.

To be continued……….

[VillageIdiot2]

Re: Language Class. How to speak customerish

😆

8. Can you ring me on the mobile when you arrive, I only work around the corner?
Means – I work 22 Miles away and I’ll wait untill you get there before leaving work!

9. Why would that part be gone then after only 3 Years?
Means – Are you trying to rip me off!

10: I had another Company out last time, but they were terrible so I wont use them again
Means – Do a good job and dont charge me as much and I might call you back!

[bazza500]

Re: Language Class. How to speak customerish

11. I`ll leave a key under the mat

Means:- I`ll be hiding round the back of the house until you`re finished because i don`t have any money to pay you.

[Steven]

Re: Language Class. How to speak customerish

12. You dont mind if i watch what your doing do you?
means – next time i wont need to pay you, as i can fix it myself.

[kwatt]

13. Can you call after 1pm?

Means – I’ll expect you at 1:05pm

K.

[Martin]

Re: Language Class. How to speak customerish

14. Atgyweiri boptai?……Ddeui at gwrymiau?

Means – Well boyo, I’ve got your name from the Internet, I have a faulty oven and do you come as far as Wales….isn’t it?

[iadom]

Re: Language Class. How to speak customerish

The standard note on the door, back in ten minutes,

In reality, half an hour.

Or ” can you come and ‘service’ my machine”.

Means, its making a horrible noise, leaking and ruining the clothes, but I’m sure a simple (cheap) service will cure it.

Jim.

[neilsukwg]

Re: Language Class. How to speak customerish

15. Dont worry, he doesnt bite 😯
Means – You know what it means don’t you

16. Have you been doing this long?
means – Do you know what your doing

17. How much! (said in a squeaky voice)
means – You just fixed a washer for a scotsman with yorkshire connections

18. Oh its working, must have been one of those things?..
means – You got a lot of explaining to do if you want to get paid

Or ” can you come and ‘service’ my machine”.

Means, its making a horrible noise, leaking and ruining the clothes, but I’m sure a simple (cheap) service will cure it.

Jim. Classic!

[clivejameson]

Re: Language Class. How to speak customerish

19. My husband has given you some help…
The whole machine is in bits across the floor despite it only needing a set of brushes.

20. My husband fitted the kitchen…
The machine is completely bodged in and will need two people to lift it over the copper pipes…after you’ve dug up the floor tiles….

[VillageIdiot2]

Re: Language Class. How to speak customerish

Martin wrote:14. Atgyweiri boptai?……Ddeui at gwrymiau?

Means – Well boyo, I’ve got your name from the Internet, I have a faulty oven and do you come as far as Wales….isn’t it?

Atgyweiri boptai – do you fix ovens
Ddeui at gwrymiau? Do you come to the back of beyond?

Very Good martin 😉

[johnmac11]

Re: Language Class. How to speak customerish

21. I used to be an aeronautics/ nuclear/ electrical engineer before I retired.
Means I know what is wrong with it before you start..

John

[Martin]

Re: Language Class. How to speak customerish

washdoctor wrote:Atgyweiri boptai – do you fix ovens
Ddeui at gwrymiau? Do you come to the back of beyond?

Very Good martin 😉

I knew you would get a boot out of that Adrian :snigger: 😉

[pup]

Re: Language Class. How to speak customerish

22
how much do you charge do you do free call out?
yes we do ho call you back and let you know when i free.
means got no money

[Martin]

Re: Language Class. How to speak customerish

(22a?) If you say so pup, then that’s fine by me 😕 😉 🙂

[Alex]

Re: Language Class. How to speak customerish

23: We are only at home before 7 am after 6 every night, or weekends.

Funny that so are our engineers.

24: You not being able to call at my convenience and in the evening is your problem.

Not my problem, my washing machine is working.

Alex

[Author]

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