Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

[clivejameson]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

A few years ago I was attending a D/W repair…got the kickplate off to find lots of the usual rubbish including a load of leaves (the machine happened to be right by the back door)…I saw a little movement in the leaves and noticed a little thin tail poking out from under one. I thought here we go again, another mouse getting free warmth and scraps of food so I turned to the lady of the house and asked if she was squeamish. She replied “Ohhhh, not another bloody LIZZARD!!!!!”…sure enough there it was! First time I’d ever seen one in this country…apparently the cat prefers them to mice 😆

Clive

[superfix]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

Once had a customer call me out to a Bosch integrated dishwasher.
Fault description was soap dispenser faulty.

Anyway turn up to job and the lady of the house was not in,just hubby.Asked him what was wrong,he says not sure but the missus reckons there is a problem with dispenser,but he doesn’t know exactly what.

Inspected the dispenser,lid and spring ok.took door skin off,connections ok.So I turn it on sure enough a few minutes later 240v to ptc,pop the dispenser opens.Tells the guy I can’t see anything wrong.

Just then his missus comes home.So I ask her what the problem is.She tells me she puts the tablet in dispenser and after a while there is a clunk noise.So she opened door and found tablet had fallen out of dispenser,she tried to put it back in but the lid wouldn’t stay closed straight away so she waited for a few minutes until she could close the lid again.

She did this about 10 times then called us out.It gave me such a laugh that I couldn’t charge her.

[cornwell40]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

Had an installation a couple of days ago, VERY nice young lady, and then her mum walks in (very nicer). So after the usual polite chat about previous appliance, and how they don’t last like they used to, I got to work on one side of the machine undoing hoses while my mate attempted to unravel the mains lead under the sink. After a couple of minutes and requests for a length of string to pull the new lead back the customer sticks her head under the sink and asks, “Is there anything you’d like me to pull?” 😮
Cue sound of heads hitting underside of worktops.

Tony c

[Martin]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

I seem to generate a fair degree of ‘Crackpots’ added month after month to my ‘Client Database’ all of which incidentally I enter in red typeface to highlight caution next time 😆 .

Yesterday was another one for the red typeface treatment 🙁

A regular 3 bed detached in downtown suburbia, with lots of warning labels attached to the front door “NO CIRCULARS, NO HAWKERS, NO WELCOME!” …you know the kind of thing…anyway, customer lets me in eventually and ushers me to the kitchen. Points to the dishwasher and says “It don’t work!” When I enquired as to what exactly was the problem, she indignantly replied “That’s for you to find out surely?” and added, “How long do you think you will be?” To which I replied “Dunno, maybe 30 minutes?”…… She then cracked, “Fine I will come back in 30 minutes then!” and shut the Kitchen/Hall door and locked it as she went!!!

I was effectively locked in at this point but noticed the key in the back door and realised I at least had an escape route 🙄 Basically the dishwasher was all bunged up with tea and coffee grounds, the whole internal pipes, chambers and cavities clogged with the stuff. Took me a good 30 minutes to clear out anyway, but as I was locked in, couldn’t get my lovely customer to hear me shouting that it was all fixed and that she owed me a kings ransom for the privilege.

The only choice was for me to telephone her using my mobile to say the job was done. She answered and said she would be right along, unlocking the door and entering I told her what the problem was and queried why so much tea and coffee was in the machine anyway? She replied that she and her entire family drink lots of the stuff and only use the dishwasher to dispose of the dregs and wash the teapot 😯 And that she washes all the normal dishes and pans by hand and wouldn’t ‘trust’ the machine to do it anyway ❗

I didn’t comment further, just collected my ransom money and left 😉

Every day this job brings something new eh? :lol2:

Martin

[andy_art_trigg]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

I was driving slowly down a road looking for a house number a few miles out of town when an elderly women flagged me down. She calmly asked me if I would give her a lift into town as she’d missed her bus and had a doctors appointment. I was so taken aback that I meekly agreed and drove her a few miles into town. I then had to drive all the way back to find the house.

[shane]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

andy_art_trigg wrote:I was driving slowly down a road looking for a house number a few miles out of town when an elderly women flagged me down. She calmly asked me if I would give her a lift into town as she’d missed her bus and had a doctors appointment. I was so taken aback that I meekly agreed and drove her a few miles into town. I then had to drive all the way back to find the house.

Was it her house you were looking for. ?

Shane

[iadom]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

After over 37 years, where do I start, unusual objects removed, false teeth, dog lead (minus dog) spoons, table knife, penknifes, tweezers, nail files, bottle openers, watches, assorted jewellry including a £500 solid gold bracklet, but the best ever was many years ago working for Hotpoint. I was called out to an old type 1400 twin tub, and was told, ” there’s something in the spinner” . Now unlike the later 1420 with the metal inner lid and the 1450/60 with the removable plastic rim it was not easy to gain access to the outer spin container, you had to remove the cabinet whole or, prise up those annoying clips all round the top and then you had just enough leeway on the spin outlet hose to revolve the top surround. Inside I found a Dinky toy, two batteries and the top from a torch and a large wooden spoon. It transpires that the womans son had dropped the car in whilst playing on the top, she shone a torch in to see and the top and the batteries fell in, the wooden spoon was her last attempt to retrieve the other articles but when she dropped that in as well she decided it was time for the experts.

I have had several ‘fried mice’ in washers and dryers but one really strange case was on an old Hotpoint Top loader with a Crouzet timer. I almost always opened up any timer or similar component that I had changed just to verify my initial diagnosis and was amazed to find that between the burnt out internal contacts of this timer was an earwig.

And on the “will not fill” theme, I did a CC2 ( under g/tee call) with a “not filling with cold” complaint. The machine had just been plumbed in so I did all the simple physical and electrical tests and could find no fault with the appliance. I removed the blue hose and turned on the tap, nothing, not even a drip although the tap appeared to function perfectly. I noticed the Hot, copper feed pipe came from under the sink whilst the Cold tap was fixed to a copper pipe than ran across the back of the machine. I traced this pipe to see if I could find another tap and followed it through the kitchen wall, round the skirting board and under the stairs where it terminated in a GAS METER. :eeek: It is fortunate that although the house had been harnessed for gas it was in fact not connected to the mains. To be honest I have long since given up on most kitchen fitters and plumbers, in my experience only around 10{e5d1b7155a01ef1f3b9c9968eaba33524ee81600d00d4be2b4d93ac2e58cec2d} of them do a decent job.

[Martin]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

iadom wrote:And on the “will not fill” theme

That reminds me, I had one where no water was flowing through the Blue Chrome Stopcock to her washing machine even at full blast. When I shone a torch inside I could make out what looked like a blue ‘J Cloth’. I turned off the mains supply, and removed a whole J Cloth from the 15mm copper pipe 😯

Turns out she had a guy in to service her water softener a month or two before, he replaced the ‘by-pass valve’ but in doing so, stuffed this J cloth up the pipe with a bit hanging out whilst he went to his van. Unfortunately as he was doing that the lady used the loo and when she flushed the cistern, the J cloth was sucked up the pipe!!!!!

He admitted to her of his problem but reassured her after he had fixed the softener by saying…” that as a J cloth was made of paper it would simply disintigrate in time in the water tank and be no problem!” :rotfl:

Martin

[alexa]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

A bloke, walking down the street hand in hand with a penguin.
A police car screeches to a halt next to them and the policeman asks “what are you doing with the penguin?”

Well!..I am taking it for a walk” came the reply.

Police: “I think that it would be in your interests to take it directly to the zoo!”

THe man obliged and took the penguin directly to the zoo.

Next day….The man was walking down the street with the penguin still by his side.
The police came by, stopping then reversing up…
“We thought that we told you to take the penguin to the zoo yesterday! said the policeman.

I did! officer!…was the reply….He realy enjoyed it too!…today I am taking him to see a movie at the cinema

[Martin]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

Went to a charming town centre ‘2 up 2 down’ today. You know the sort I mean, door had been smashed in by Police raids a while back and just patched up enough that it still closes at night. You struggle your way down the passageway to the kitchen meeting 30 or so people of various ages and ethnic backgrounds.

Anyway, the good news was that in spite of certain ‘difficulties’ I managed to fix the washing machine (coin in pump) but in doing so couldn’t help noticing THE OVEN (next to it!!!!)

It was a Belling slot-in double oven, both doors were missing from it. The top one had something unspeakable hanging from the grill-pan but the best bit was the bottom oven! Now, sadly I was itching to get my phone out and take a picture but somewhat intimidated with the number of people crammed into this 6 by 4 space (watching my every move) decided against it 😀

The bottom oven (not having its original door – remember) had instead a sheet of 16 gauge galvanised metal cut to size with 2 gate slide bolts rivetted on, that slid into holes drilled in the outer trim to hold it fast whilst ‘cooking’ took place. 🙄

Needless to say, I didn’t stay for dinner :rotl:

Martin

[Goatboy]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

Here’s a nice one! Once upon a time, I when to a house where the people there had told me the washer wouldn’t spin. On arrival, a lady answered the door. She pointed me toward the kitchen, but on the way, we passed her husband in the living room. He had his entire arm set in a cast that ran from the tips of his fingers, to the top of his shoulder.

Can you see were this is going?

He’d taken off the back panel of his machine, seen the pulley, and tried to help it spin by sticking his hand in there and giving it a little push. He’d put the machine on fast spin, and it should have been spinning. As soon as he pushed the pulley, the machine set off into full spin, taking his hand with it, breaking lots of bones in his hand, wrist and arm. It nearly ripped his arm off!

He’d had a segment missing on his armature. As soon as he pushed it past the missing segment, Crunch!

I can’t imagine the pain; but besides that it’s funny no?

[Martin]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

Goatboy wrote:Can you see were this is going?

I swear you’ve told us this story before somewhere else ❓

Martin

[Goatboy]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

Yup, it’s on my forum as a warning to to public; and I pm’ed it to you , like kwatt told us to. You still gonna compile these stories?

[Martin]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

Goatboy wrote:You still gonna compile these stories?

I thought I had read it 😀 …No problem, nice story anyway, thanks!

Compilation of these stories is very likely in due course but very costly to publish, so I still need still greater input from yourselves to even consider it. Sadly the idea of me asking folks to pm these tales fell on deaf ears (or should that be blind eyes?) as rather naively on my part, there was little interest overall.

In order for it to be a million seller (with TV spin offs) like Simon Mayoh’s “Confessions” series, the stories need to be (how can I put it?) a little more risque’ like “Confessions of a Window Cleaner” type stuff, if you get my meaning? Otherwise it will only appeal to a limited ‘trade only’ element and not worth twopence. (boring washing machine guff)

Only one person (Penguin45 in fact) took the trouble and I was suitably encouraged by this, but no-one else did in the end, so…there you go, what can I say 🙄

However, if anyone has read this post so far and NOT fallen asleep, do please send in your CONFESSION. If it’s a ‘dodgy tale’ (we live in hope?) then do please ‘pm’ that. If, by the end of it the signs are good for potential publication, such a project will carry all the official copywrite legalities and ALL contributors will be suitably covered against liability. AND those wishing anonimity will be assured of such.

So…over to you guys….do tell? 😀

Martin

[alexa]

Re: Amusing Anecdotes & Other Tales

This is an edited transcript of a PM

Fisher and Paykel

Ah yes, my wife married me because I had one of those “Automatic Washing Machines”

Her next washing machine was an old wringer that didn’t even have a pump. You drained it by dropping the hose. I must have had some other attributes

Reagan answered, “I had forgotten about that.”

“I don’t know what that would have been about,” Reagan said.

Reagan responded, “I don’t have a memory of that.”

http://www.whitehouse.org/kids/reagangame.asp

“Here, then, was my opening if I chose to widen it.

It was almost certain that Reagan told Soviet jokes which he loved so much.

Which ones did Reagan recall on that occasion?

Was it the one many heard him repeat many times: about a Soviet who, having been told that a refrigerator repair man would come to his apartment in ten years, sheepishly inquires whether that would be in the morning or the afternoon, because, you see, he had a plumber scheduled for the same day?

Or the one featuring a commemorative Brezhnev stamp which did not stick because people spat on the wrong side?

Could it have been the one about the professional propagandist who, asked about the difference between capitalism and socialism, answered smugly: “Capitalism, comrades, is exploitation of man by man. Under socialism, it is the other way around.”

Or was it, from Reagan’s favorite émigré comedian Yakov Smirnoff, the Soviet Express credit card motto: “Don’t leave home!”

And how about the one on the difference between the Soviet and American constitution—both guaranteeing freedom of speech but the American one providing for freedom after speech as well?

And I could almost hear Reagan asking: “Have your heard the one about the Sahara desert under socialism? First the sand is rationed—and then it disappears completely.”

With deference to all my Gay buddies and those easily offended….

Have you heard the one about the two gay guys having sex and the house starts burning down.

Which one gets out first?

Why the gay guy on the bottom of course

He’s already got his shit packed

Hell I’m so disgusted with all the sports that I’m taking up drinking

I’m off on holiday Friday till Monday week

Hands up those who think I need a holiday :lesson: :lesson: :lesson: :lesson: :lesson: :lesson: :lesson: :lesson:

Anybody don’t think I can go the distance on this website : :lesson: :con: :lesson: :lesson: :con: :con: :lesson: ❓ :sleep:

I’ll get some advise from my wife on that one, although she’d rather I didn’t play with the boys here on this goddam web site.

“But it’s just so goooood honey
I’ve finally found someone who understands me”

What’s all that sniggering

Probably get banned first

This is an edited transcipt of a PM

Thanks for listening and may God be with me

[Author]

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