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Re: Another joke.
RETIRED/BORED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Tescos.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Tescos:Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’.This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway
6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.
9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a
fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’
One of the clerks passed out.Re: Mid-life crisis?
Well done I did the same a couple of years ago (wish I had done it sooner) You need to come up to Gods own biking country “Scotland” some time put a big smile on your face.
ohh I am now the proud owner of a V Strom 1000Re: Another joke.
Labourers Maths Test
Paddy wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little maths test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”
“Without numbers?” Paddy says? “Dat’s easy..” And proceeds to draw three trees.
“What’s this?” the boss asks..
“Have you no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9” says Paddy.
“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”
Paddy stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has
Just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree ….. “Ere ye go.”
The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”
“Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99.”
The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire Paddy,
So he says, “All right, last question. Same rules again, but
Represent the number 100.”
Paddy stares into space some more, then
He picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of
Each tree and says, “Ere ye go. One hundred.”
The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!”
Paddy leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and
Whispers, “A little dog came along and pooped by each tree.
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!”Paddy is the new supervisor!
Re: Wanted lokring kit
Kenny wrote:I have a kit hardly used for sale if you are still looking
answer me on kenny_122@yahoo.com
SOLDRe: Wanted lokring kit
I have a kit hardly used for sale if you are still looking
answer me on kenny_122@yahoo.com
Re: Holed drum
Thanks for the replys
The plastic putty appears to have done the job so far. Fingers crossed
Re: Free energy
Nothing new check out these.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikola_Tesla
He did state that he knew of an untapped form of free energy though he never proved it. That statement and other things was enough for the FBI to seize his personal paper work on his death.
Check out his list of patents
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wireless_energy_transfer
Link to transmiting wireless energyRe: Smeg cooker diagram
Thanks but that was all the info I was given at the time before I went to the job.
Looked at it and it was shorting to earth as suspected. The owner had contacted SMEG and puchased a replacement simmerstat for £30 It was a blue colour and different shape from origonal. The origonals were the standard green simmerstats.
When he put the cooker back together one of the casing screws (origonal not wrong screw) went through the casing and the tip of the screw was just contacting the live on the new simmerstat. Now the house is very old and has rewirable fuses. Resistance live to earth was about 2ohms through the tip of the screw and NOT lifting the fuse. So replaced simmerstat tested ok then live tested. At which point the owner took off his shoes touched the sink then touched the cooker and was happy that the cooker was no loger “buzzing” nor was he getting any shocks.
I left him with a stern warning to get the house rewired as a matter of urgancy and that he had been extreamly lucky this time.
Having said that shurley that was a design fault from SMEG?
Re: Earth bonding
I am at home the now and can not get to my copy of the regulations till I get back to the office.
I see you are in South Wales so if I remember correctly the actual doc you are looking for is called “Part P” (not relvent in Scotland) but I do have a copy again in my office I wll look it out.
I am shure off the top of my head that you are correct and the only stipulation is that the “earth path impeadiance” is correct value for the instalation.
In the mean time how would you get luggs on these?
http://www.memonline.com/news32.htmlI think I lost my electronic copy when I changed computers but if you realy need a copy e-mail me (or PM) and I will send you a hard copy of “Part P”
PS do not shell out for a copy of the 16th Regulations, 17th should be published jan to be enforced this time next year
Re: generator question?
Have a look at this artical in an other forum
Hope it helps
Re: Anyone fancy an electric car???
I worked for Scottish Power in the early 80s. I was given one of 4 Bedford vans to run around Glasgow city center in. At that time it had a top speed of 50mph and a range of 50miles which was fine for what we were doing, but best of all it had no road tax.
Only internal combustion engine vehicals require road tax.
Re: Motor speed control
Ok wilf thanks for that.
So if I understand you correctly it would be something like in this sketch
I have drawn a motor plug. I just assumed that the centre tap to the field windings gave you half speed. So why would you need a centre tap if the speed is controlled by the amount of sine wave allowed through?
Or am I just totally off track here?
